How can we feel sexy when we're bonking if we don't match the image in our minds and that our society tells us is sexy?
I don't know about you, but my sex education in school was terrible! Pleasure was NOT a word that ever passed the lips and wet moustache of my terrifying science teacher. He just wheeled out an old 80s TV on legs and showed us a video of a woman having a baby. My saucer-eyed class mates and I and then had a "fun" workshop which involved putting a condom on a banana. The clit may have been mentioned, but in between the giggles and naughty kids flinging femidoms around the room, it was lost. My first experience with porn was seeing a woman shagging a horse on a grainy 90s computer screen. Gross.
There's nothing like resentment, anger, frustration or hurt between two partners to dampen any kind of sex drive. Excluding "make up sex", if the issues run deep and are unresolved, this could be whats dampening your desire.
I think it’s always a good plan to have those “serious chats” when you are doing something else to occupy your mind. Not sat opposite each other intensely staring each other down. Or in bed at the end of a long day (trust me, not a good plan!). But maybe whilst going for a walk, cooking dinner or washing up. That way there is no awkward eye contact, and you both feel more relaxed. I broke the conversation with the boyf whilst driving. It was good.
Today’s post is about deciding to make changes. The biggest thing I’ve learned so far about having a low sex drive is: you have to decide you want a good sex drive, and commit to improving it. For a long long time, I was waiting for a solution to my sex drive issues to drop from the sky. Genuinely.
one thing did not escape unharmed. My sex drive. I used to enjoy and want sex, but after the stress of everything, I felt like my sex drive was totally extinguished. It's pretty shit, I might add. So, here's how it feels to have "no feels"...
One of the issues with modern life is that we always want a quick fix solution to everything. A blog with that declares “in 30 days we can trampoline our way to a better sex drive”. Or “after you read this article on the benefit of blowdrying your pubic hair your libido will magically get higher” (or insert similar click bait headline here). The truth is, I don’t think its that simple.
Know that feeling when you just can't get turned on? Course you do. That’s why you’re here. It feels pretty crappy. But what you really want to know is what to do next.