One of the issues with modern life is that we always want a quick fix solution to everything.
A blog that declares “in 30 days we can trampoline our way to a better sex drive” is super popular, because we want to believe that it’s that simple. Or “after you read this article on the benefit of blowdrying your pubic hair your libido will magically get higher” (or insert similar click bait headline here).
The truth is, I don’t think it is that simple. And that’s what people often don’t want to hear.
I’ve done a lot of research on sex drives. I’ve googled the shit out of any kind of search query you can imagine. My search history is littered with the desperate musings of a sad vagina, and I’ve been to many a bizarre corner of the internet in my quest for help.
The first thing I realised is, the internet is crammed with sites that promise to tell you how to improve your sex drive!!
There is so much information out there on boosting your libido. The internet is literally bursting with tips, ideas, advice, food to eat, food not to eat, sex positions to try, ways to spice up your sex life. These bloody sites are two-a-penny, and while some are more medical/sexual health type sites, others are less benign and aim to make a profit from reinvigorating our deflated sex drives.
But ultimately, when I read these, they seem to quickly reel off advice without it ever seeming to be tried and tested.
Some sites try to sell you a pill, or a sex toy, or a type of CBT that will change your thinking. Others want to send you to some crazy mystical retreat where you can uncover your inner goddess and connect with your sexy squirrel spirit who will unleash your wildest sensual side! (very niche).
It can all feel a bit superficial, baffling, disingenuous, expensive, or just downright not about your best interest.
I’m pretty sure if our want to have sex could be fixed in less than 10 steps, we women would’ve smashed that already!
I think it’s sometimes unhelpful to think we can “cure” ourselves by just reading a couple of tips.
Sure, that might work for some women, and good for you! But most will be blaming themselves for not eating right, doing enough exercise, being sexy enough, eating enough cabbage or whatever it is… and that’s completely counterproductive. The more you stress about your sex drive, the more it becomes a problem.
I truly believe (from my experience) that losing your sex drive is the canary in the coal mine and it indicates that you may have lost touch with some other parts of yourself as well.
But the good news is, I believe it’s a helpful messenger and you can learn to manage your sex drive in a way that feels right for you. This blog is dedicated to doing just that!
I just prefer to think of learning about your sex drive as a journey of getting to know yourself.
Think of it as a HUGE investment in yourself, and an excellent form of self-care. You can read about how I found deciding to make change the hardest part here.
Even by reading this article, you’ve already taken the first step towards having a better sex life 🙂