How it feels to have “no feels” in the bedroom

After a really stressful two years in which I was working full time, studying part-time and trying to juggle a busy social life, two house moves and two job changes, I emerged victorious but exhausted.

Although I bounced back quickly after I graduated from my studies, enjoying life and my spare time, one thing did not escape unharmed.

My sex drive.

I used to enjoy and want sex, but after the stress of everything, I felt like my sex drive was totally extinguished. It’s pretty shit, I might add.

So, here’s how it feels to have “no feels”…


1. No-one talks about it!

It often feels like having a low sex drive is “what other people have”.  Barely any celebs own up to a low sex drive, apart from Boy George- love him!

Sex therapists try and tell you how to cure it. Articles promise quick tips of how to resolve it. But very few people talk about suffering from it, or what they did to help.

That’s why I asked a porn star about her libido to find out more about how she manages.

2. You worry there is something seriously wrong with you

Seriously- help!
They say you don’t miss the water until the well runs dry, and its true. I just took my desire to have sex for granted. But once it’s gone, it feels like some sort of magic power which you have no idea how to get back.

3. Its embarrassing

Everything in our society is about sex- sex sells! If you don’t want to have sex, or feel sexy, you feel beige and boring. And embarrassed. What’s wrong with me?
 Image result for gif embarrassed

4. You want to WANT to have sex.

You know you did it before. Very well in fact. But how the hell do you kick start wanting it now? The pressure you put on yourself to want it is even more of a mood killer.

5. You don’t know why this is a problem

Why on earth has this happened? Is it stress, my relationship, my physical health, my hormones, my diet, my bedroom furniture… my whole life? It’s hard to know where to begin because there are so many things it could be. And some of them are tough to consider.

6. You feel broken, dead inside

It’s totally shit having a lost sex drive. You feel like you are actually dead inside- there is no fire, no colour, just grey. I’m like a shadow of myself, lost my mojo and all of my vibrancy and vitality that goes with it.

Image result for dead inside gif

7. You feel you’ve let your partner down

So we got together and I was totally into sex. A sexual goddess infact. Now he’s ended up with a rusty old banger that doesn’t fancy it anymore. Who has no idea how to restore it. Doesn’t do your confidence much good to feel like you’ve let your partner down. And there are the inevitable arguments when you try to avoid sex like the plague. Or just don’t massively enjoy it when you do.

8. You feel you’ve let yourself down

 Most importantly, theres a sense of letting yourself down. I honestly don’t know who I am or what I want anymore, yet outside the bedroom I feel confident, have a great job, loads of friends, and a really good relationship. It makes no sense.

9. It’s the most frustrating thing

 It’s like trying to turn on a car ignition, it continuing to turn over and backfire but just won’t start. No matter how much you rev the engine, poke around in the bonnet or turn the key, nothing will help. And without an engineer to come help, all the wires and tubes are meaningless. So you can either get it fixed, or if you can’t afford that, learn yourself.

10. It’s not all the time

 It’s sometimes OK when you get going and then you remember how great sex is. Or you might get a little twinge every now and then about a previous encounter. Or a fabbo sex session where you feel refreshed. But not being able to ignite that for yourself on a regular basis is SO shit.
Has anyone else felt the same?

8 Replies to “How it feels to have “no feels” in the bedroom”

  1. I can definitely relate to this. After a major surgery, a serious amount of medication, complication after complication and now a long recovery, I have absolutely NO desire to participate in the horizontal mambo. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to want to, but I don’t. I would rather be left alone to my own devices, enjoy the fact I haven’t shaved in weeks and forget that THAT part of my anatomy actually has a purpose. Unfortunately I am hormonal ‘just not that into it’ as I had a hysterectomy and bilateral oopherectomy and was forced to stop HRT two weeks ago due to blood clots in my legs and lungs. I just don’t feel like that is ever gonna return. Thank you for sharing xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Horizontal mambo haha thats great! Oh gosh, sounds like you’ve had a tough time of it. Meds and hormones wreak havoc with our sex drive. Just take care of yourself and like you said, find the positives in how you’re feeling at the moment- it sounds as though you have a really great mindset 🙂 sending you best wishes and speedy recovery xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Loss of sexual desire, known in medical terms as hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), is the most common form of sexual dysfunction among women of all ages. Reasons range from being in a Bad Relationship, Having Stress, over indulgence in Alcohol or Smoking, Mental Illness, Birth Control, Trauma in your Past, Poor Body Image, certain Medical Conditions, Pregnancy and Breastfeeding and Aging.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes this is an important issue and it should be discussed. Sexual desire usually has ebbs and flows depending on your mood, the season, and how much effort you’ve been putting into your relationship. Most routines will make you feel safe and secure, but having too much predictability in your sex life can kill sexual desire. Shake things up by having sex in a room or area where you’ve never done that before. Don’t worry about being normal as whatever you and you partner do is normal for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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